When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
