Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize