Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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