Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
