I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
