Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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