All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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