U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
