Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
