That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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