it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
