I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
