when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
