I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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