I accidentally burped into my bong.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
