so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
