She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
