I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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