I CAN MOONWALK!
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
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