i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You took a bar mat shot.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
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