its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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