Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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