the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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