im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
