very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
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