im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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