Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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