That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
