when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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