my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
