I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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