I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
