You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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