I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
