life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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