you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I am available for nakedness
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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