Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
