is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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