Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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