That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
