I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
The feeling are messing with the penis
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
