Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
