Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
