I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
