all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Sext me about skeletons
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
