It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
