she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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