oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
