my vag is so smooth its legendary
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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