oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
